10 Ways Kris Humphries Can Get Over Kim Kardashian
Kris Humphries had it all, including an NBA career and a marriage to reality star Kim Kardashian. And then — poof — he lost it all quicker than you can say “New Jersey Nets 10-game losing streak.” K-Kard abruptly filed for divorce and the NBA lockout lingers on, so Humphries isn’t even able to earn a paycheck to keep him busy.
We’ve all been dumped and know how tough getting over a broken heart can be. But when you don’t even have a job to fill the void, well, the healing process is that much tougher, so we’re here to help. We’re lending a hand by coming up with 10 ways Kris Humphries can pass the time while mending his broken heart.
1. Write a tell-all book. Of course, with a union that lasted only 72 days, there might be more days in the marriage than pages in the book.
2. Let other people handle the NBA lockout. Dispute resolution is not a strength for Humphries.
3. Cancel the season pass of ‘Keeping Up with the Kardashians’ on his DVR. He doesn’t need to be reminded.
4. Create an account with an online dating site. He’s gotta get back out there and we’re pretty sure he’d be the pick of the litter at nba-player-dumped-by-a-reality-starlet-not-even-three-months-after-getting-married.com.
5. Cancel his subscriptions to Star, OK!, Us Weekly, PEOPLE and InTouch. He doesn’t need to be reminded.
6. Star in his own reality show. Seriously, they give them out like lollipops to kids at the bank.
7. Cancel his internet connection. He doesn’t need to be reminded.
8. Ask his NBA pals to set him up on a blind date. It should be easy considering the only thing NBA players have more than children out of wedlock are groupies.
9. Join an Occupy Wall Street protest. He’ll be in his element — surrounded by thousands of other people who have nothing else to do all day.
10. Go on a publicity tour to refute accusations the marriage was only for publicity.
Drew Weisholtz is a funny guy. Unless you didn’t like this, in which case he’s simply using a pseudonym. He’s written for ABC and other online outlets and does standup comedy in front of actual people. You can follow him on Twitter @undrstoodgenius.